wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
