How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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