apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
