You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
