I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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