Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
