Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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