I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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