i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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