God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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