My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
