Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
