This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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