It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
