worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
