I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
