I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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