I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
