having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She's the barista slut.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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