I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
