Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
