i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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