Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I need to calm my uterus...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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