She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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