There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
