How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
