Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
