hell yes lets make some ravioli
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm getting married
To pizza
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
