I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
