I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
