Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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