Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
