i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
