Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
