onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
