i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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