she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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