honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
