I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
