she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
