I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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