i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
