Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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