It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
