I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
