Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
