Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
