we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
