i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
