Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
