I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
