i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
