SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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